Is It Normal to Go Weeks Without Sex? What the Research Says

You haven't had sex in a few weeks. Maybe longer. And now you're wondering: Is this normal? Is something wrong with us?

Here's the short answer: You're probably fine.

The longer answer involves actual data, and that data might surprise you. Most couples don't have sex as often as you think, and the gap between what's "normal" and what people assume is normal is bigger than you'd expect.

This post breaks down what the research actually says, so you can stop worrying and start understanding your own relationship.

The Short Answer: Yes, Going Weeks Without Sex Is Normal

Let's get this out of the way immediately.

Dry spells happen to almost everyone in long-term relationships. Research suggests that Americans experience about four sexual dry spells over the course of their lives on average.

Behavioral scientist Clarissa Silva puts it plainly: "While in a long-term relationship, eventually your sex frequency is going to naturally decline and that's okay. Most of the reasons you are going through a dry spell have nothing to do with you or the strength of your relationship."

Another expert was even more direct: "Dry spells are totally normal, and nothing to get anxious about."

The anxiety you feel about the dry spell is often more damaging than the dry spell itself. So take a breath. Let's look at what's actually happening out there.

What the Statistics Actually Show

Here's data that might change how you see your situation:

• Only 37% of American adults ages 18-64 have sex weekly (General Social Survey, 2024)
• 47% of married couples have sex less than once a week
• 50% of couples in serious relationships (in a 35,000-person British study) have sex less than once a week
• Among married adults, only 49% report having sex weekly or more

Read that again: The majority of couples are not having sex every week.

If you haven't had sex in two or three weeks, you're not an outlier. You're not broken. You're squarely in the middle of normal.

Read more about what counts as a normal amount of sex.

Where Do Most Couples Actually Fall?

When researchers ask couples how often they have sex, the answers spread across a wide range:

That "average" of once per week you've probably heard? It's misleading because it's a mean, not a median, and it's pulled up by couples on the higher end.

The reality is that many happy, healthy couples have sex two to three times per month, and a significant portion have sex even less frequently than that.

How Frequency Changes With Age

Sexual frequency naturally declines with age. This isn't a problem to solve. It's just how bodies and relationships work.

Even people in their 20s aren't having sex every day, or even every other day. And by your 40s and beyond, going a week or two between encounters is completely typical.

The gap between cultural expectations and reality is where a lot of unnecessary anxiety lives.

The "Once a Week = Happiest" Finding (And What It Actually Means)

You may have heard that research found couples who have sex once a week are happiest. This comes from a major study by Amy Muise at the University of Toronto, published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, which analyzed data from over 30,000 people.

The findings:

• Couples who had sex once a week reported the highest levels of relationship satisfaction
• Having sex more than once a week showed no additional happiness benefit
• Having sex less than once a week was associated with somewhat lower satisfaction on average

Here's what this actually means: There's a floor effect around weekly sex, but beyond that, more isn't better.

And here's what it doesn't mean: It doesn't mean you need to have sex exactly once a week to be happy. The study looked at averages across thousands of people. Individual couples vary enormously.

If you're having sex twice a month and both of you feel good about your relationship, you're fine. The research describes trends, not requirements.

Life Events That Cause Normal (Temporary) Dry Spells

Certain life circumstances predictably reduce sexual frequency. These are normal dips, not warning signs:

New baby or young children Research shows that women with children under age 5 are the most likely to report low interest in sex. New parents are exhausted, touched out, and rarely alone. This is temporary.

Work stress or job transitions In one study, 31% of men cited work as the primary cause of their sexual dry spell. Major deadlines, new jobs, or career uncertainty take a toll.

Illness, injury, or surgery When your body is healing or struggling, sex often falls off the priority list. This is appropriate and temporary.

Moving or major life changes The Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale rates moving and major life transitions as significant stressors. Stress suppresses desire.

Grief or loss Processing loss takes emotional energy. Reduced interest in sex during grief is completely normal.

Mental health challenges Depression and anxiety directly affect libido. So do many medications used to treat them.

Relationship conflict Unresolved tension makes intimacy feel unsafe. Once the conflict is addressed, desire often returns.

If you can point to one of these factors, your dry spell likely has an explanation, and it's probably temporary.

Why We Worry More Than We Should

If going weeks without sex is so common, why does it feel like such a big deal?

Cultural messaging Movies, TV, and advertising suggest that happy couples have frequent, passionate sex. This sets up unrealistic expectations.

Not knowing what others actually do People don't talk honestly about their sex lives. You might assume everyone else is having more sex than you, but the data suggests otherwise.

Comparison to early relationship In the beginning, sex happened easily and often. When frequency naturally declines, it can feel like something is wrong rather than something has shifted.

Performance-focused culture As one researcher noted: "We live in a very performance-focused culture in terms of sex, so it's not uncommon for someone to feel shame around a drop in desire or sexual activity. But there's really nothing shameful about it."

Recency bias A few weeks without sex can feel like an eternity when you're anxious about it. But zoom out, and it's often just a blip.

The Only Question That Actually Matters

Here's what sex therapists and researchers consistently say about "normal" frequency:

There is no universal normal. The only normal that matters is what works for both partners.

Dr. Logan Levkoff, who holds a PhD in human sexuality, says there's no "normal" and that all relationships are different. "Normal" is whatever feels fulfilling for you and your partner.

Psychologist Lauren Fogel Mersy agrees: "The frequency that a couple 'should' be sexual is the frequency that they negotiate based on their individual needs and levels of desire. There is no one size that fits all here."

Sexologist Shamyra Howard puts it simply: "A normal sexual frequency is determined by what the couple agrees is mutually satisfying. Sexual frequency is not an indicator of sexual satisfaction."

So the real question isn't "How often should we be having sex?"

The real question is: Are both of us satisfied with how things are?

If the answer is yes, you don't have a problem, regardless of frequency.

Signs It's Just a Dry Spell (Not a Problem)

How do you know if your situation is a normal fluctuation versus something that needs attention?

It's probably just a dry spell if:

• It's temporary and tied to identifiable life circumstances
• You can point to a likely cause (stress, kids, health, schedule)
• You can talk about it without defensiveness or conflict
• Emotional connection and affection are still present
• Both partners understand and accept the current situation
• There's no resentment building on either side

Normal fluctuations are part of every long-term relationship. They come and go with the rhythms of life.

Signs It Might Be Worth Addressing

On the other hand, some situations warrant more attention:

Consider addressing it if:

• The dry spell has persisted for many months without any conversation
• One partner consistently feels rejected or unwanted
• You're avoiding the topic because it feels too loaded
• Resentment or emotional distance is building
• There's no clear cause, and it doesn't seem to be changing
• The lack of sex is accompanied by broader disconnection

These patterns don't necessarily mean your relationship is in trouble, but they suggest that a conversation (and possibly some changes) might help.

Read more about why long-term couples stop having sex.

What to Do If You're Concerned

If you've moved past "normal dry spell" and into "something feels off," here are some options:

Talk about it This is the hardest and most important step. Approach it without blame, with curiosity about what's happening for both of you.

Rule out medical factors Hormonal changes, medications, and health conditions can all affect desire. It's worth checking.

Address underlying stress or conflict Sometimes the dry spell is a symptom of something else. Address the root cause.

Understand how desire works Many people (especially women) have "responsive" desire, meaning they don't feel interested until arousal has already started. Waiting to "feel like it" doesn't work for everyone.

Adjust expectations Maybe you've been holding yourself to a standard that doesn't fit your life right now. That's okay to acknowledge.

Seek professional help If you can't make progress on your own, a therapist or sex therapist can help. There's no shame in getting support.

The Data on Sexless Relationships

For context, here's when researchers consider a relationship to be "sexless":

• Clinical definition: Sex fewer than 10 times per year (less than once a month)
• About 15-20% of marriages meet this definition
• The percentage increases with age (3.5% of married 20-year-olds vs. 19.8% of married 45-year-olds haven't had sex in the past year)

If you're having sex once or twice a month, you're nowhere near the "sexless" threshold. You're in a completely normal range.

Final Thoughts

Going weeks without sex is normal. The majority of couples don't have sex every week. And the only "right" frequency is the one that works for both of you.

Here's what the research actually tells us:

• 47% of married couples have sex less than once a week
• Only 37% of adults have sex weekly
• Dry spells are a normal part of long-term relationships
• "Normal" is defined by mutual satisfaction, not a number
• Frequency naturally declines with age, and that's okay

Stop comparing yourself to a standard you made up, or one you absorbed from movies and media. Your relationship is not a statistic. What matters is whether you and your partner feel connected and satisfied.

If you do, you're fine.

If you don't, that's worth talking about, not because you're failing to meet some external benchmark, but because you both deserve to feel good about your relationship.

Sources

• General Social Survey (GSS), NORC at University of Chicago, 1990-2024.
• Muise, A., Schimmack, U., & Impett, E.A. (2016). "Sexual Frequency Predicts Greater Well-Being, But More is Not Always Better." Social Psychological and Personality Science.
• Institute for Family Studies. "The Sex Recession: The Share of Americans Having Regular Sex Keeps Dropping."
• Twenge, J.M., Sherman, R.A., & Wells, B.E. (2017). "Declines in Sexual Frequency among American Adults, 1989-2014." Archives of Sexual Behavior.
• British National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles (Natsal).
• Call, V., Sprecher, S., & Schwartz, P. (1995). "The incidence and frequency of marital sex in a national sample." Journal of Marriage and the Family.
• Expert interviews: Dr. Logan Levkoff, Shamyra Howard LCSW, Lauren Fogel Mersy PsyD, Clarissa Silva.