What Is a Normal Amount of Sex Per Week? Per Month?

This is one of the most googled questions about sex.

People want to know if they're normal. They want a number to measure themselves against. They worry they're having too little, occasionally too much, and they want reassurance or a wake-up call.

The short answer: there's an enormous range of normal.

The better answer: the question itself might be the wrong one to ask.

The Statistics: What Research Shows

If you want numbers, here's what studies find.

Adults in relationships: The average is roughly once per week, though studies vary. The General Social Survey, tracking American adults for decades, found that the average married couple has sex about 58 times per year, which works out to slightly more than once per week.

By age: Frequency typically declines with age. Adults 18-29 report the highest frequency, averaging 2-3 times per week in some studies. By the 40s, once per week is more typical. For couples over 60, once or twice per month is common.

By relationship length: New relationships have significantly more sex than established ones. The passionate early phase involves more frequent intimacy. This naturally decreases over time for nearly all couples.

The range is huge: Some couples have sex daily. Others have sex monthly. Some have sex a few times per year or not at all. All of these exist within the population of "normal" couples.

These are averages, not prescriptions. An average includes couples at both extremes. It tells you what's common, not what's right.

Read more about how often married couples actually have sex.

Why "Normal" Varies So Much

Sexual frequency depends on many factors that vary between couples.

Age and health

Libido typically changes across the lifespan. Energy levels, hormones, medications, and physical conditions all affect sexual interest and capacity.

Relationship duration

Almost all couples have less sex after the initial phase. The intensity of early passion isn't sustainable, and that's not a problem.

Life circumstances

Children, demanding jobs, caregiving responsibilities, financial stress, mental health challenges. Life gets in the way. Couples in high-stress phases often have less bandwidth for sex.

Individual differences

People have naturally different levels of libido. Some people want sex daily. Others are satisfied with monthly. Neither is wrong.

Relationship quality

Couples who are emotionally connected and satisfied with their relationship often have more sex. But causation runs both directions, and plenty of happy couples have infrequent sex.

How you define sex

Studies that ask "how often do you have sex?" get different answers depending on what respondents count. Some count only penetration. Others include oral sex, manual stimulation, and other activities. Definitions affect numbers.

Given all this variation, any single "normal" number is meaningless. Your normal depends on your specific circumstances.

The Problem with Comparing to Averages

Measuring yourself against statistics creates unnecessary problems.

Averages hide enormous variation

When the average is once per week, that includes couples having sex five times per week and couples having sex once per month. The average describes no one in particular.

Your circumstances aren't average

You have a specific age, relationship length, health status, stress level, and life situation. Comparing yourself to a generic average ignores everything that makes your situation unique.

Comparison creates anxiety

Learning you're "below average" can make you feel inadequate even if both you and your partner were perfectly satisfied before. Now you have a problem you didn't have before, manufactured by comparison.

Focusing on frequency can harm satisfaction

When couples fixate on hitting a number, sex becomes a chore. Research shows that increasing frequency through obligation actually decreases satisfaction. The focus on quantity undermines quality.

What Actually Matters: Satisfaction Over Frequency

Research consistently shows that satisfaction predicts relationship happiness better than frequency.

A landmark study by Amy Muise and colleagues found that relationship happiness increased with sexual frequency up to about once per week. Beyond that, additional frequency didn't produce additional happiness.

This suggests that once per week is "enough" for most couples to capture the relationship benefits of regular intimacy. More than that is fine if you both want it, but it's not necessary for happiness.

More importantly, desire discrepancy matters more than absolute numbers. When both partners want roughly the same amount of sex, they're satisfied even if that amount is below average. When one partner wants significantly more than the other, there's dissatisfaction even if the frequency is above average.

The issue isn't whether you match some external standard. It's whether you and your partner are aligned.

Read more about how sexual frequency affects relationship satisfaction.

Signs Your Frequency Might Be a Problem

Sometimes frequency does indicate an issue worth addressing:

One partner is consistently unhappy. If one of you feels deprived, rejected, or frustrated, that matters regardless of what's statistically normal.

Resentment is building. When sexual frustration turns into broader relationship resentment, the problem is affecting more than just sex.

You've stopped entirely and one or both miss it. Sexless relationships are fine if both partners are satisfied. They're not fine if someone feels the loss.

It's a symptom of larger issues. Sometimes infrequent sex signals relationship problems, health issues, or other concerns that deserve attention.

Significant mismatch is causing conflict. When desire discrepancy leads to regular arguments, pressure, or rejection, the frequency issue needs addressing.

In these cases, the problem isn't being below average. It's that the current situation isn't working for one or both of you.

Signs Your Frequency Is Fine

Even if you're below average, these signs suggest your sex life is healthy:

Both partners are satisfied. If neither of you wishes things were different, you're fine. External standards don't override your actual experience.

You feel connected in other ways. Physical intimacy matters, but it's not the only form of connection. Couples who connect emotionally, spend quality time together, and maintain affection often thrive even with less frequent sex.

The sex you do have is good. Quality matters more than quantity. Infrequent but deeply satisfying encounters often beat frequent but disconnected ones.

Neither partner feels rejected or deprived. The absence of negative feelings about your sex life is a good indicator that your frequency works for you.

The Right Questions to Ask

Instead of "are we normal?" try asking:

Am I satisfied with our sex life?

Not compared to others. Just, in your own experience, do you feel fulfilled?

Is my partner satisfied?

Have you asked? Their answer matters more than any statistic.

Do we feel connected?

Sexual and emotional intimacy reinforce each other. Connection is what you're ultimately after.

Is there resentment about this?

Resentment is a warning sign. Its absence is reassuring.

Are we both being honest about our needs?

Unspoken dissatisfaction creates problems. Open communication prevents them.

These questions focus on your actual relationship rather than external comparison.

Final Thoughts

"Normal" sexual frequency is a range, not a number. That range is enormous, and where you fall within it says little about your relationship health.

What the research actually shows:

• Averages are roughly once per week, but with huge variation
• Frequency declines with age and relationship duration for most couples
• Satisfaction matters more than frequency for relationship happiness
• Once per week captures most benefits, with no additional happiness from more
• Desire alignment between partners matters more than matching external standards

Your relationship isn't a statistic. What matters is whether your sex life works for you and your partner.

If you're both satisfied, your frequency is normal, regardless of what anyone else is doing. If one of you isn't satisfied, that's worth addressing, regardless of how you compare to averages.

Stop measuring. Start asking whether you're both happy.

Sources

• Muise, A., Schimmack, U., & Impett, E.A. (2016). "Sexual Frequency Predicts Greater Well-Being, But More is Not Always Better." Social Psychological and Personality Science.
• General Social Survey. National Opinion Research Center, University of Chicago.
• Kinsey Institute. Research on sexual behavior and frequency.
• Twenge, J.M., Sherman, R.A., & Wells, B.E. (2017). "Declines in Sexual Frequency among American Adults, 1989–2014." Archives of Sexual Behavior.
• Mark, K.P., & Murray, S.H. (2012). "Gender Differences in Desire Discrepancy as a Predictor of Sexual and Relationship Satisfaction." Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.
• Schoenfeld, E.A., et al. (2017). "Does Sex Really Get Better with Age? Relationship Between Sexual Quality and Age." Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.
• AARP. (2010). "Sex, Romance, and Relationships: AARP Survey of Midlife and Older Adults."