How Often Do Married Couples Actually Have Sex? What the Research Says

It's the question everyone wonders but few ask out loud: How often are other couples actually having sex?

Maybe you're wondering if your sex life is "normal." Maybe things have slowed down and you're not sure if that's a problem. Maybe you just want some actual data instead of guessing.

This post covers what the research actually says, with real numbers from real studies. No judgment, no prescriptions, just information you can use to understand your own relationship better.

The Short Answer: About Once a Week

According to research published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, the average married couple in the United States has sex approximately 51 to 56 times per year. That works out to roughly once a week.

A 2017 study analyzing data from over 26,000 Americans between 1989 and 2014 found that adults in relationships averaged about 54 sexual encounters per year.

But here's the thing: averages can be misleading.

Some couples have sex multiple times a week. Some have sex a few times a month. Some go months without it. All of these can be completely normal depending on the couple, their life circumstances, and what works for them.

The "once a week" figure is a statistical middle point, not a target you need to hit.

Read more about how often married couples should have sex.

The "Once a Week = Happiest" Finding

Here's where it gets interesting.

A landmark study from the University of Toronto, published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, analyzed data from over 30,000 people across three separate studies. The researchers wanted to know: Is more sex always better for relationships?

The answer was no, but with an important nuance.

Key findings:

• Couples who had sex once a week reported the highest levels of relationship satisfaction and well-being
• Having sex more than once a week showed no additional happiness benefit
• The association between sexual frequency and happiness leveled off after once per week

Lead researcher Amy Muise put it simply: "Although more frequent sex is associated with greater happiness, this link was no longer significant at a frequency of more than once a week."

What this means for you:

If you're having sex once a week and feeling good about your relationship, you're right in the sweet spot. If you're having sex less often and both partners are satisfied, that's fine too. The research suggests that chasing "more" doesn't necessarily lead to "happier."

How Sex Frequency Changes By Age

Age is one of the strongest predictors of sexual frequency. This isn't surprising, but the actual numbers might be.

Data from the Kinsey Institute and other research shows clear patterns:

A few things worth noting:

• The decline is gradual, not sudden. There's no cliff where sex suddenly stops.
• These are averages. Many couples in their 50s and 60s have active, satisfying sex lives well above these numbers.
• Satisfaction doesn't necessarily decline with frequency. Research shows that older couples often report high sexual satisfaction even with lower frequency.

The takeaway: If you're 45 and not having sex as often as you did at 25, that's not a problem to solve. That's biology and life stage doing what they do.

The "Sex Recession": Are Couples Having Less Sex Than Before?

Here's something the data clearly shows: Americans are having less sex than previous generations.

The General Social Survey, one of the most comprehensive ongoing studies of American behavior, has tracked sexual frequency for decades. The trends are striking:

For married couples specifically, weekly sex dropped from 59% (1996-2008) to 49% (2010-2024).

On average, American adults are having sex about 9 fewer times per year compared to the 1990s.

Why is this happening?

Researchers have proposed several explanations:

• Less partnered cohabitation. Fewer young adults are living with romantic partners compared to previous decades.
• Decreased social time. Average weekly social time fell from 12.8 hours in 2010 to just over 5 hours by 2024.
• Screens and technology. More competing demands for attention, though direct causation is debated.
• Increased stress. Work demands, financial pressures, and general anxiety.
• Delayed life milestones. People are marrying and partnering later.

Interestingly, the decline is not strongly linked to longer working hours or increased pornography use, despite common assumptions.

What Counts as a "Sexless Marriage"?

The clinical definition of a sexless marriage is having sex fewer than 10 times per year, or less than once a month.

By this measure, research suggests that 15-20% of married couples in the United States are in sexless marriages. Some surveys put the number as high as 25%.

A 2017 study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that 15.6% of married individuals hadn't had sex in the past year.

Important context:

• Being in a sexless marriage doesn't automatically mean the relationship is failing
• Some couples are perfectly content with low or no sexual activity
• For others, it's a significant source of distress
• What matters most is whether both partners are aligned on expectations

If one partner wants significantly more sex than the other, research calls this desire discrepancy, and it's associated with lower relationship satisfaction, more conflict, and relationship instability. The frequency itself matters less than whether both people are okay with it.

Read more about why long-term couples stop having sex.

What Actually Affects How Often Couples Have Sex?

Sexual frequency isn't random. Research has identified several consistent factors:

Age and Health

The strongest predictors. As bodies age and health changes, so does sexual activity. This is normal.

Relationship Duration

Here's something interesting: the biggest drop in sexual frequency happens early in the relationship, not later. The "honeymoon phase" fades, and couples settle into a more sustainable rhythm. This typically happens in the first few years.

Children

Having kids, especially young children, significantly reduces sexual frequency. Parents of infants and toddlers consistently report less sex due to:

• Physical exhaustion
• Sleep deprivation
• Reduced privacy
• Competing demands for time and energy

The good news: frequency typically recovers as children get older and more independent.

Stress and Mental Load

Work stress, financial pressure, and the general mental load of life all compete with sexual desire. When the brain is overwhelmed, intimacy often takes a back seat.

Communication Quality

Couples who communicate openly about sex, including preferences, desires, and concerns, tend to have more satisfying sex lives. Avoiding the topic often makes things worse.

Desire Discrepancy

When partners want sex at significantly different frequencies, it creates tension regardless of the actual number. Research shows that mismatched expectations cause more relationship problems than low frequency itself.

Why Comparing Yourself to Averages Can Backfire

Here's the most important thing to remember: Statistics describe populations, not your relationship.

The "average" couple having sex once a week doesn't mean you should be having sex once a week. It means that if you surveyed thousands of couples, that's roughly where the middle would fall.

Your relationship has its own:

• Life circumstances
• Health factors
• Stress levels
• Preferences
• History

What matters isn't how you compare to a national average. What matters is:

• Are both partners reasonably satisfied?
• Is there a significant gap between what one partner wants and what's happening?
• Are you able to talk about it?

If both partners are content with sex twice a month, that's a healthy sex life. If one partner wants sex daily and the other wants it monthly, that's a problem to address, regardless of where either number falls on a chart.

What the Research Actually Suggests

If you want to improve your sex life, the research points toward a few evidence-based approaches:

1. Focus on Quality Over Quantity

Studies consistently show that sexual satisfaction (how good the sex is) matters more than frequency for relationship happiness. One deeply connected encounter can be more meaningful than several disconnected ones.

2. Address Underlying Issues

If stress, health problems, or relationship tension are affecting your sex life, addressing those root causes will do more than trying to force higher frequency.

3. Communicate Openly

Research on desire discrepancy shows that couples who talk openly about their sexual needs and expectations have better outcomes. Avoiding the conversation doesn't make it go away.

4. Understand Your Own Patterns

Every person and every couple has rhythms. Some people have higher desire at certain times of day, week, or month. Some couples do better with spontaneity; others do better with planning. Understanding your own patterns, rather than chasing someone else's normal, leads to better outcomes.

5. Don't Chase the Average

The "once a week = happiest" finding doesn't mean you need to hit that number. It means that beyond a certain point, more isn't necessarily better. Find what works for your relationship.

Final Thoughts

So how often do married couples have sex?

The average is about once a week. But averages don't tell you what's right for your relationship.

What the research actually shows is this:

• Once a week is associated with the highest relationship satisfaction, but more isn't necessarily better
• Sexual frequency naturally declines with age, and that's normal
• Americans overall are having less sex than previous generations
• 15-20% of marriages meet the clinical definition of "sexless"
• What matters most is whether both partners are satisfied and aligned

If you're curious about your own patterns, tracking can help you see the bigger picture. Not to compare yourself to anyone else, but to understand your own relationship better.

Sources

• Twenge, J.M., Sherman, R.A., & Wells, B.E. (2017). "Declines in Sexual Frequency among American Adults, 1989-2014." Archives of Sexual Behavior.
• Muise, A., Schimmack, U., & Impett, E.A. (2016). "Sexual Frequency Predicts Greater Well-Being, But More is Not Always Better." Social Psychological and Personality Science.
• General Social Survey, NORC at University of Chicago (1990-2024).
• Kinsey Institute research on sexual frequency by age.
• Institute for Family Studies analysis of GSS data on the "sex recession."
• National Survey of Family Growth (2000-2018), published in JAMA Network Open.