Does Having More Sex Improve Your Relationship?

It seems intuitive. More sex should mean a happier relationship, right?

The research tells a more nuanced story.

Yes, sexual frequency correlates with relationship satisfaction. But forcing more sex doesn't help, and beyond a certain point, additional frequency doesn't add more happiness. What matters is quality, mutual desire, and finding a frequency that actually works for both partners.

Here's what the science shows.

The Correlation: Frequency and Satisfaction

Research consistently finds a relationship between sexual frequency and relationship satisfaction. Couples who have more sex tend to report being happier in their relationships.

But correlation isn't causation.

It's possible that having more sex makes couples happier. It's also possible that happier couples simply have more sex. The relationship likely runs in both directions, with each reinforcing the other.

This distinction matters. If happy relationships produce more sex, then artificially increasing frequency in an unhappy relationship won't fix the underlying problem. You'd be treating a symptom while ignoring the cause.

The connection between frequency and satisfaction is real, but it's more complicated than "more sex = happier couple."

The "Once a Week" Finding

One of the most cited studies on this question comes from researchers Amy Muise and colleagues, published in 2016.

They examined data from over 30,000 people and found something interesting: relationship satisfaction increased with sexual frequency up to about once per week. Beyond that point, additional frequency didn't produce additional happiness.

Couples having sex once a week were significantly happier than those having sex less often. But couples having sex four times a week weren't happier than those having sex once.

This challenges the assumption that more is always better. For most couples, once a week seems to be "enough" to maintain the relationship benefits of regular intimacy. Chasing higher frequency beyond that point doesn't appear to add more satisfaction.

Of course, individual couples vary. Some genuinely want and enjoy more frequent sex. The research describes averages, not prescriptions. But it does suggest that couples shouldn't feel inadequate if they're not having sex constantly.

The Carnegie Mellon Study: Forcing It Backfires

Perhaps the most telling research comes from a study at Carnegie Mellon University.

Researchers recruited married couples and asked half of them to double their sexual frequency. The other half made no changes. Then they measured happiness and enjoyment.

The results were surprising: couples who doubled their frequency reported lower happiness and less enjoyment of sex.

More sex made them less happy, not more.

Why? The researchers concluded that mandated sex felt like a chore. When couples had sex because they were told to rather than because they genuinely wanted to, the quality suffered. Sex became an obligation to check off rather than a connection to enjoy.

This study carries an important lesson. More sex only helps your relationship if it's genuinely wanted by both partners. Increasing frequency through pressure, guilt, or obligation backfires. The quantity might go up, but satisfaction goes down.

Quality Over Quantity

Research consistently shows that sexual satisfaction predicts relationship happiness better than sexual frequency.

In other words, how good the sex is matters more than how often you have it.

One deeply connecting, mutually satisfying encounter can contribute more to relationship happiness than several mediocre or disconnected ones. Couples who focus on quality often find that frequency naturally increases anyway, because good sex motivates both partners to seek more of it.

Chasing frequency without attention to quality is counterproductive. If you're having more sex but it's rushed, disconnected, or one-sided, you're not building relationship satisfaction. You might even be eroding it.

The question isn't just "how often are we having sex?" It's "how satisfied are we both with the sex we're having?"

When More Sex Does Help

Under the right conditions, increasing sexual frequency can genuinely improve your relationship.

When both partners want more

If you and your partner both wish you were having more sex and it's simply falling through the cracks due to busy lives, making it a priority can help. The desire is already there. You're just clearing obstacles.

When it comes from removing barriers

Sometimes couples want more sex but stress, exhaustion, or logistical problems get in the way. Addressing these barriers, getting more sleep, reducing stress, scheduling time together, can increase frequency in a way that feels natural rather than forced.

When it accompanies emotional reconnection

If you've been emotionally distant and you're working to rebuild closeness, increased physical intimacy can be part of that reconnection. The sex isn't separate from the emotional work. It's integrated with it.

When it breaks an avoidance cycle

Some couples fall into patterns where they avoid sex because it's become awkward or loaded. Deliberately choosing to be intimate, even when it feels uncomfortable at first, can break the avoidance and restart connection.

In all these cases, more sex helps because it's aligned with genuine desire and relationship repair, not imposed as a quota.

Read more about how to increase sexual frequency without pressure.

When More Sex Doesn't Help

More sex can actually harm your relationship under certain conditions.

When one partner feels obligated

If increased frequency comes from one partner pressuring or guilting the other, it damages the relationship. The pressured partner feels used or resentful. The sex becomes a source of conflict rather than connection.

When frequency becomes a metric

Some couples start treating sexual frequency as a number to hit. This transforms intimacy into performance. "We need to have sex three times this week" creates pressure that undermines enjoyment.

When underlying issues go unaddressed

If your relationship has deeper problems, such as conflict, resentment, or emotional disconnection, more sex won't fix them. You might temporarily feel closer, but the underlying issues will resurface. Sex can be part of repair, but it's not a substitute for it.

When it's about proving something

Sometimes couples increase frequency to prove the relationship is fine, to match some external standard, or to avoid confronting problems. This kind of sex is performative, not connective. It doesn't build satisfaction.

What Actually Improves Relationships

If frequency alone isn't the answer, what is?

Sexual satisfaction

Are both partners enjoying the sex you're having? Do both feel pleasure, connection, and fulfillment? Satisfaction matters more than frequency.

Feeling desired

Knowing your partner wants you, genuinely desires you, contributes to relationship happiness. This isn't about how often you have sex but about how wanted you both feel.

Alignment on frequency

Desire discrepancy, where partners want significantly different amounts of sex, predicts relationship problems. The issue isn't the absolute frequency but the mismatch. Finding a frequency that works for both partners matters more than hitting any particular number.

Emotional intimacy

Physical and emotional intimacy reinforce each other. Relationships thrive when both are present. Sex without emotional connection often feels hollow. Emotional connection without physical intimacy can leave partners feeling like roommates.

Communication

Can you talk about sex openly? Can you express what you want, what's working, what isn't? Couples who communicate about sex tend to have more satisfying sex lives, whatever their frequency.

Read more about how sexual frequency affects relationship satisfaction.

The Right Questions to Ask

Instead of "how can we have more sex?" try asking:

• How can we have better sex?
• Are we both satisfied with our sex life?
• Do we both feel desired?
• What would make sex more connecting for each of us?
• Are there barriers we could remove?

These questions focus on mutual fulfillment rather than metrics. They invite conversation rather than pressure.

The goal isn't a number. It's a sex life that works for both of you.

Final Thoughts

Does having more sex improve your relationship? It can, under the right conditions.

When both partners genuinely want more intimacy, when increased frequency comes from removing barriers rather than adding pressure, when quality accompanies quantity, more sex can strengthen your bond.

But forced frequency backfires. Obligated sex damages relationships. Chasing numbers without attention to satisfaction misses the point.

What the research actually shows:

• Once a week is enough for most couples to see relationship benefits
• Forcing frequency decreases happiness and enjoyment
• Quality matters more than quantity
• Mutual desire is essential, not obligation
• Sexual satisfaction predicts happiness better than frequency

Focus on satisfaction, connection, and mutual desire. The frequency will take care of itself.

Sources

• Muise, A., Schimmack, U., & Impett, E.A. (2016). "Sexual Frequency Predicts Greater Well-Being, But More is Not Always Better." Social Psychological and Personality Science.
• Loewenstein, G., Krishnamurti, T., Kopsic, J., & McDonald, D. (2015). "Does Increased Sexual Frequency Enhance Happiness?" Journal of Economic Behavior & Organization. (Carnegie Mellon study)
• McNulty, J.K., Wenner, C.A., & Fisher, T.D. (2016). "Longitudinal Associations Among Relationship Satisfaction, Sexual Satisfaction, and Frequency of Sex in Early Marriage." Archives of Sexual Behavior.
• Mark, K.P., & Murray, S.H. (2012). "Gender Differences in Desire Discrepancy as a Predictor of Sexual and Relationship Satisfaction." Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.
• Gottman, J.M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
• Byers, E.S. (2005). "Relationship Satisfaction and Sexual Satisfaction: A Longitudinal Study of Individuals in Long-Term Relationships." Journal of Sex Research.