5 Reasons to Track Intimacy in an Open Relationship

Open relationships don't run on autopilot.

Research consistently shows that people in consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationships report higher communication satisfaction than those in monogamous ones. That's not because ENM is easier. It's because it requires more intentional communication to work.

Tracking your intimacy, even in a simple way, can support that intentionality. Here are five reasons why.

1. Multiple Partners Means More to Keep Track Of

This is the practical reality. When you have more than one partner, there's more to manage: schedules, emotional bandwidth, sexual frequency across relationships.

It's easy to lose track. Life gets busy, new relationship energy pulls attention one direction, and before you know it, you haven't had quality time with a partner in weeks.

Tracking helps you see patterns you might miss otherwise:

• Is one relationship getting significantly less attention?
• Are you connecting with your nesting partner as often as you think?
• How does your intimacy shift when a new partner enters the picture?

You can't address imbalances you don't notice. A simple log makes patterns visible.

Read more about tracking intimacy when you have multiple partners.

2. Communication Is Your Foundation, Data Helps

The research is clear: communication is the foundation of successful ENM.

A 2024 study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that people in consensually non-monogamous relationships reported higher levels of communication satisfaction compared to those in monogamous relationships. Other research shows that CNM partners who communicate openly report higher trust, better conflict resolution, and greater relationship satisfaction.

But communication works better with accurate information.

Without data, conversations rely on feelings and impressions. "I feel like we never have sex anymore" is hard to evaluate. "We've been intimate twice in the past six weeks" is concrete.

Tracking gives you a shared reference point. It reduces the he-said-she-said dynamic and helps you problem-solve together based on what's actually happening.

3. Managing Jealousy and Equity

Research shows that people in CNM relationships often report less jealousy and more compersion (joy in your partner's happiness with others) than people in monogamous relationships.

But jealousy still happens. And one common trigger is perceived inequity.

If one partner feels like they're getting less time, less attention, or less intimacy than a metamour, resentment can build. Sometimes this perception is accurate. Sometimes it's distorted by insecurity or NRE (new relationship energy) elsewhere in the polycule.

Tracking helps you check perception against reality.

Maybe you are spending less intimate time with your long-term partner since starting a new relationship. That's worth knowing and addressing. Or maybe the time is actually similar, and the feeling of inequity is coming from somewhere else. Either way, having data helps you figure out what's real.

Equity in ENM isn't about identical treatment. It's about everyone feeling valued. Tracking supports the awareness that makes that possible.

4. Understanding Your Own Patterns

ENM gives you the opportunity to explore different dynamics with different people. Tracking helps you understand yourself across those dynamics.

Questions you might answer with data:

• Are you more sexually active with newer partners? (NRE is real.)
• Do certain relationship structures work better for you?
• How does stress affect your desire across the board?
• Are there patterns in when you feel most connected?

Self-awareness is valuable in any relationship structure, but it's especially useful when you're navigating multiple connections. Understanding your own patterns helps you communicate needs, set realistic expectations, and notice when something feels off.

5. Health and Safety Awareness

This one is practical.

Multiple partners means more considerations around sexual health. Tracking your encounters can support safer sex practices by helping you:

• Remember who you've been with and when
• Notice if barrier use has been inconsistent
• Provide accurate information for STI testing and healthcare conversations
• Identify if symptoms correlate with timing

This isn't about surveillance or shame. It's about taking care of yourself and your partners. The more partners involved, the more useful it is to have clear records.

How to Track in ENM Relationships

Keep it simple. Complexity kills consistency.

What to log:

• Date
• Partner (initials or a code if privacy matters)
• Brief notes if useful (what worked, how you felt)

Privacy considerations:

• Your tracking is yours. You don't have to share raw data with partners.
• Some partners may want to track together. Others may prefer individual logs.
• Be thoughtful about what's visible if you share devices.

Use it for reflection, not control:

• Tracking is a tool for self-awareness and communication.
• It's not for monitoring partners or keeping score in arguments.
• The goal is understanding, not ammunition.

Final Thoughts

Ethical non-monogamy takes more intentionality than monogamy, not less. That's not a criticism. It's just the reality of navigating multiple relationships with care.

Research shows that people who practice ENM successfully tend to be skilled communicators who prioritize ongoing dialogue, consent, and emotional awareness. Tracking intimacy is one small tool that supports all of those things.

Read more about sexual satisfaction across relationship structures.

It helps you:

• See patterns across relationships
• Ground conversations in reality
• Notice and address imbalances
• Understand yourself better
• Take care of your health

None of this requires elaborate systems. A simple log, maintained consistently, reveals a lot over time.

ENM works when everyone feels seen, valued, and informed. Tracking can help you get there.

Sources

• Bogaert, A.F., et al. (2024). "Sexual Communication in Consensually Non-Monogamous vs. Monogamous Relationships." Journal of Sex Research.
• Conley, T.D., et al. (2018). "Investigation of Consensually Nonmonogamous Relationships." Perspectives on Psychological Science.
• Muise, A., et al. (2019). "Broadening Your Horizons: Self-Expanding Activities Promote Desire and Satisfaction in Established Romantic Relationships." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
• Rodrigues, D., et al. (2021). "A Narrative Review of the Dichotomy Between the Social Views of Non-Monogamy and the Experiences of Consensual Non-Monogamous People." Archives of Sexual Behavior.
• Bergstrand, C., & Williams, J.B. (2000). "All About Polyamory: The Science of Open Relationships."
• 2025 Meta-analysis of 35 studies on consensual non-monogamy and relationship satisfaction.
• Gupta, K. (2024). "A scoping review of research on polyamory and consensual non-monogamy." Journal of Family Theory & Review.